by Marilee Bartholoma
(SLC, Utah, United States)
Addiction. The urge the want the need. At first its something you do for fun, expierimenting, or to impress a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's occasional. But then more. Then more. Soon it's every chance you get. Your spending all your money on it. Your life is wasting away. It fills your waking hours to get more.
It fills our dreams you toss and turn craving it. The relief, the good satisfied feeling running through you, your veins. Then that good feeling comes with guilt. Then with hatred. Wanting to stop, an empty promise to yourself that it will never happen again. But you know it will.
It's all you crave, your closest friends and family get worried. Upset. Scared. Your wasting away and it's all over your face. All you want is to get that feeling again. That good numb feeling. Sweet, sweet release. Yet it only intensifies the hatred of yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror, remembering when you told yourself you could stop whenever you wanted to.
Cry to yourself, drowning in the regret. The guilt, hate, and still, that intense craving. It's become a deep need. When does it all become too much? Is one push all it takes to send you over the edge? Out of control? Now ask yourself...
Am I addicted?