Blessings in Recovery
by Rebecca Wicks
(Oklahoma City, OK USA)
This is me
. I was an addict of 13 years on Methamphetamine, Marijuana, and Cocaine. For as long as I can remember, I always thought I would be a drug addict for the rest of my life. Even though when I was 16 and took my first drag of Marijuana, I wasn’t thinking it would change my life forever. I know what you are thinking. Who are you to council anyone about the dangers of drug abuse? Well, to answer that, I was a 13 year long drug addict, in recovery and sober for the past 2 years, 10 months. Back then, I would mask my every day pain and depression with my various addictions, whatever would make me feel human that day. Meth, Cocaine, pills, Marijuana, sometimes a mixture, just to name a few. I never liked Methamphetamine, but it was my first choice. It always made me numb inside, therefore, I would suppress my better judgment and inhale, inject, smoke; whatever it took to get it inside of me.
As you can imagine, this caused more grieve than it ever did good. I became a slave to my addiction and the people that were feeding that wolf knew that; they took advantage and I was too high to get it; that or I didn’t care, more likely the second one. It was in 2006 when I came crashing to the floor, literally. I was beyond wasted and on days of no food, sleep, very little water, my body was finished and it was off to the hospital I went. Hours and hours later, being pumped full of fluids, you would imagine I would be done. NO! My addiction was my security blanket. I needed it to vanish the harsh reality of the life I hated for a fantasy world of which I would never wake from.
There was a point in my addiction; actually there was 2 points, which really awakened me. The first; a night in North Carolina after a Nascar event, with my drunken now ex-husband and I were sitting in our RV as I was attempting to get my 2 children asleep. My ex-husband kept inviting people inside to take shots, and my frustration grew to where I started yelling at him to stop. Then, the fight started, as they always did. This fight was more significant that the others. He grabbed me and slammed me down on the couch and wrapped his hands around my throat, choking me as my 2 children watched, frightened. It was all I could do to kick him hard in the chest, throwing him backwards off of me so I could scoop up my kids and run out the door. Unfortunately, I was still an addict and afraid, I forgave him.
It was Memorial weekend of 2011, when I hit rock bottom. We were going
to a nearby city to celebrate and have fun family time. As I came out of the bathroom from spending hours getting ready, I find him drunk on the couch. I was angry and again started yelling. That is when the worst night of my life began. He dragged me into our car along with the kids and drunken in rage, drove us the 80 mile drive to the city. He drove furiously narrowly missing other cars, driving in speeds over 100mph through small towns, driving off the road, and at times slowing down enough to throw me out of the car. I was so confused and afraid for my children that I always got back in when he came back for me.
After about 2 hours of this, he said to me, that he was going to kill me that night, unless I took him to a “friend’s” house to find some meth. I told him I didn’t know where he lived. I lied, and that made it worse, for he punched me in the face twice and sped around telling me I had better figure out where to find meth or else. So I decided to trick him into taking us back home, driving on unfamiliar roads to him so that he wouldn’t realize it. It was about 60 miles from home that our poor car gave out. The engine had stopped and it was midnight. He abandoned us in the middle of no-where with dead cell phones and no food or water. It was a couple hours later when a friend had finally come to rescue us. Once again, I forgave him and begged him to get help. He tried for about a month, and then it was back to the drinking and drugs. I too, was an addict, I didn’t want the drugs, but if they were there, I took them. I had no control.
It was on my birthday when my gifts were bags of drugs that I realized, that was it. I started to plan leaving this life, and in October 2011, I finally found the courage. I woke up early one morning, packed as much of my kids and my things into the car and left that life for good and I never turned back. Now I am going on 3 years recovered. I am remarried, I have a job, and a happy healthy clean life and I spend my free time writing blogs and books on recovery. I also coach and inspire others to become clean and help those in recovery find hope. I thank God every day for the blessing and forgiveness and the strength I was given to overcome such a powerful addiction. Without this blessing I would sure be dead or on that path. My blogs and books can be found at www.theinspiredgirl.com.