Closet alcoholic. 2014 starts my journey to sobriety

by Earl
(Jacksonville,Fl)

My name is Earl! I am an alcoholic. I did not drink in my first 18 years of life. Neither one oft parents drank either. I was the all American kid played sports all of my life and made good grades. Never had a desire to drink at all. And then college came around. I had my first beer in my freshman year of college. I got drunk my first outing, and had about 10 beers. I had a great time. It was only a weekend thing in college. You know like to typical college kid, go to class during to week and partying it up on the weekends. It was always a good time. Well by the time I left college, I had been arrest twice on alcohol related charges. I had a DUI the first time and two months later I was arrest for underage drinking. After all of that I was still a weekend drinker. I joined the military about two years later at age 22. Thing were going very well, I loved my job. For the next couple of years alcohol was not really a problem, life was great. About three years later at age 25 and a deployment I was transferred to another place. I started feel anxiety and depression (I didn't know it at the time). I began drinking at the home everyday alone. I was good with that. It became very very normal. I knew it was a problem but I was "functioning" you know. I was doing well in the military! No body noticed. This went on for a while. At age 27 I was drinking at the house even more. Didn't want to hangout to drink with my buddies or anything, just drink my beer at home and browse on my computer. Alcohol just evened me out you know. I just didn't see an end. I went to work drunk a couple time, and could have got in be trouble but my work ethic saved me. I drove drunk 10 beers in 5 hours from my hometown to my duty station.... I was feeling some kind of way. Embarrassed that things could get that out of hand. My social life was good I was thinking, I met a lot of girls on line that like to come over and drink like I did, so "looked" get on the surface. There was an emptiness inside me when I was alone at the house with my alcohol. I finally met a great women that I eventually married. We have a lot in common, I she knew my problem. Well, to get to the end of my story we have three great kids together: a 3 year old daughter and 2 year old twin boys. I continued to drink on and off thru out this relationship. I never drink in front of the kids so I would start after they went to bed. I go straight to the porch to drink 8 to 12 beers. That is a very normal day for me. I can not just have one or two beers: I am an alcoholic. I am finally saying these words at age 33. New Year's Eve was my last day of drinking. I really hope that I can stay sober in 2014. Thanks for allowing me to vent on this blog. I hope my story can help others as well.

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