daughter of addiction

by ashley
(arkansas )

Hello my name is Ashley I am 20 although I have never been an addict addiction has affected me my entire life. I feel as if I do not talk about it I am going to explode eventually. My life with addiction started the day I was born. My mother was a Meth addict and I had many health problems. My dad was an alcoholic and Meth addict. He constantly beat my mother and had nothing to do with me. Over the next four years I was almost put in Foster care countless times. I had two little brothers under the same circumstances. In 1998 my life took a turn for the worst at just 4 years old. My mom and dad was in a wreck it sent my mom into a coma for three months and sent my dad on a drinking binge. I stayed with my grandparents when my mom came home I had to teach her how to walk Talk eat everything plus take care of my two years old brother. Granite I was only 4 I had to grow up at that moment. My parents eventually went their separate ways dad got married and basically forgot about me and my mom continued chasing her addiction. When I was 8 my mom sat me down and explained to me her addiction she got clean for a short while until she met the man that is now my stepdaughter. He was a Meth cook so she instantly fell in Love. My mom continued with her addiction over the next 7 years. She would do what ever she could to get me out of her face she allowed me to do as I wanted on my 13 birthday my mom was caught in a Meth bust I thought it would open her eyes but it didn't it only made things worse and made her crave the drug more. By the time I was 15 I had already lost my virginity was going down a wrong path but I realized it . Keep in mind my entire life I had begged my mom to please get help when I was 15 I was old enough to pick who I wanted to live with so I sat my mom down and told her if she did not quit cooking and doing Meth I was moving in with my aunt. Them cooking Meth with me living in the house really started to affect me by then I was getting major migraines to the point of crying and can not function I was missing slot of school due to this. On that day my mom decided to give up the drug she started going to na meetings and being apart of my life over the next four years we became best friends last November my mom started doing Meth again it crushed me she caught a felony charge for possession the day after Thanksgiving my mom and I have not been close since then. She is back to her old ways doing it everyday pushing me out of her life not having much to do with me. She only calls me when she wants money or needs something and it kills me. I feel like I have none to talk to and I need to get this out it is affecting me in negative ways I'm to the point where I do not want to do my college work I don't want to work I don't want to get out of the house I am depressed for the simple fact I lost mybest friend to a drug. I am engaged to be mmarried and a senior in college and I am so scared to get married because I do not want my life to fall apart just because I have found someone who loves me again I don't want him to turn on me the way my mother did. I need some help so if any one has any advice at all please let me know.

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