From Cocktails to Mocktails: My Break-Up with Alcohol

by Elizabeth
(Kilgore)

The party is over. We have had fun and it has been quite a ride. Like all great relationships, you have been with me through thick and thin. You have been in my life for over 40 years. You have been with me since I was 15, and I am now 56. It’s just not the same anymore. I have changed and just need something new. Something more than this one-sided relationship where you have taken so much from me.

I remember when we first started out at 14. We would get together after mom and dad left the house and share a laugh, a cry…mostly a good cry. You see, I was having a hard time when we met. Being a teen was tough. I was in a new school, I felt awkward and never felt like I fit in. There were also family problems and things were in turmoil. You were there to help me through…or so I thought.

You showed yourself early on to be a bad influence in my life. A force that had such a power over me. I let you pull me in over and over again. I was literally seduced by you. Your bubbly personality sparkling in a pretty stemmed pedestal is truly a sight to behold! That intoxicating aroma of fruit filling my senses easily drew me in. You warmed me from the inside and made me feel beautiful, sexy, confident and invincible! All an illusion that crashed down hard after we parted. Still, I came back for more.

You and I have shared many memorable times. Let me recap our most indelible moments in time.

– You were there when I lost my virginity at 15. I wasn’t ready, oh no, far from it. You talked me into it. What a tragedy. I blamed you, but came to realize that it was me who should have left you behind that night. You are such a bad influence.

– You made me get behind the wheel of my car after a night of drinking and rear end my best friend, who was in the car in front of me leading the way to the coffee shop. We were going there after hours so I could sober up before going home. Thankfully, there was no damage, but all I could do was laugh, oblivious to the danger I could have caused.

– You were with me when I side-swiped a parked truck, nearly causing bodily harm to my innocent passenger. I literally killed my car and barely made it home with a blown out tire and broken radiator. My car was in repair for a solid month. That was 24 years ago and I still shudder at the thought of that night. I should have broken it off with you then…but you promised to be good to me.

– You were there cheering me on during the many unprotected sexual encounters I had before I got married. Men I would have never been with if you had not influenced me. One night stands that are too numerous to count, and too fuzzy in my memory to even recollect.

– While working as a cocktail waitress, you were by my side, always easing the boredom on those long nights. It was on those nights that I found myself being the most outrageous. You coaxed me out of my shell in my 30’s and made me feel invincible! It was my crazy teens all over again. It is ironic that the club that I

worked in as a waitress in the 90’s was the same one I used to sneak into in the 80’s, drinking underage. I cringe at the times when I remember of how sick you made me. I do not like your friend Mr. Jaegermeister.

– Through the years, our relationship matured, and we came to an understanding. We could hang out every day, after the serious work was done. We got through undergrad, and graduate school with flying colors! We even made it through the 12 year corporate journey and the many business travel adventures. We did good! Nothing too embarrassing. We were approaching an even keel. A new rhythm, so to speak.

– Over the past 13-years, you were always on my mind. After a long work day, I couldn’t wait to hang out with you and chill. Our time together was a reward for getting through the tough day. In fact, some days were so mundane at work, I would sneak away with you during lunch, just to ease my mind and take off the edge. I remember taking you with me on my long drives in the morning, tucked away in my coffee cup. Daily, you assured that the hour long journey to Fallbrook was not so mundane. We made it a routine to spend as much time as possible together. That fuzzy feeling at work makes for a more bearable day, right??

– It has been 40 years and for the past 15, I have made you a part of my daily and nightly routine. But for the past few months, I have felt trapped in a habitual cycle that is so predictable. I feel the need for something more. You see, you are damaging me physically and mentally. I am concerned for my health! This is the clear sign that I need to walk away from you.

I know now that I have the upper hand in our relationship. I can take you or leave you. I don’t need you to make me feel sexy, confident, smart or invincible. In fact, you make me feel the opposite. Hanging out with you makes me fat, uncertain, slow moving, and forgetful. Your effects on me have changed and I no longer feel seduced by you. You have lost your coolness. I am not excited by you anymore. I envision my life as something new! It is time to say good-bye.

Our party has come to an end. On February 14, 2020, I had my last drink of alcohol, and made a commitment to break-up with you. I made a promise to myself to take control of my body, mind and spirit.

I BROKE THE CYCLE ALONE, THROUGH MY DEEP DESIRE FOR A BETTER LIFE!

April 13, 2020, marks 2-months and 3 days since our last fling. Here are my many gifts, physically, mentally and spiritually that I now have as a result of quitting YOU:

⚜️I have lost 12 pounds!

⚜️I no longer have chronic acid reflux!

⚜️ My sinuses have cleared!

⚜️ I have lost the bloat and my stomach is flat!

⚜️ I have a clear head and am more focused!

⚜️ I spring put of bed and have energy!

⚜️ I have a better memory!

⚜️ I have better sleep!

⚜️ I am not preoccupied with thoughts of drinking!

⚜️ I have a better reign on my temper!

⚜️ I manage my daily stress with self-talk, not alcohol!

⚜️ I feel empowered after quitting drinking!

⚜️ I am focused on ways to keep healthy with diet and exercise!

⚜️ I see life as it really is, without the veil of a buzz…and that’s ok!

Stay tuned world. The party is just getting started!

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Jun 01, 2020
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thank you Elizabeth
by: Rachael

Elizabeth,

thank you so much for sharing your story. Congratulations on the end of your damaging relationship to alcohol. It takes a lot of courage to do that and a lot of courage to share it with the world. I truly appreciate it and wish you good luck and happiness!

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