Getting back from marijuana and heroin addiction
It all started when I turned 17. In my teenage years I had some harsh complexes and that’s why I always found it hard to communicate with people. All my classmates already had boyfriends and girlfriends, but I still went unnoticed and ashamed. My parents were divorced and I lived with my father who didn’t care a lot for me. I almost didn’t have friends, so there was no one around who could really help and support.
One day I was wandering the town alone in search of something or somebody, didn’t have anywhere to go. That very day started a story of my personal hell that seemed like heaven at the beginning. I met a boy, the first one who liked me and wanted to go out with me. I was really happy! But there was a little problem – he had a hobby called marijuana. Actually I didn’t mind because I fell in love like a fool. Sometimes we tripped together. For me it was a new amazing experience after that long period of humiliation and loneliness.
I never thought that marijuana could cause me some serious problems, cause a lot of my schoolmates said they tried it without any harm. So for me it was just like a new bright and interesting experience. I finally got new friends and we got together and shared joints. I started to skip classes to get messed up with my new friends. I didn’t last long with that boyfriend, but soon appeared another one, and we continued sharing crazy trips together. He brought me along to all the parties.
One day we wanted to try something stronger than that and taste heroin, as many said you get the same high cheaper. The experience was really strong and after that I could no more be satisfied with marijuana ‘for kids’. The only problem that we faced at the beginning was money, as neither me, nor my boyfriend had a job. But we found some ways to get money selling things in the street or stealing from the parents. Actually he had rich parents and could save pocket money for buying drugs.
Then started the hell, because after a while the parents of my boyfriend started to suspect something, cut off his budget controlling each of his step. We broke down because he couldn’t go out with me and take drugs like earlier, but at that time I already couldn’t live without a dose. I didn’t care how to get high, I picked up some guys in order to get drugs, went to crack houses…
My life turned a complete mess. They kicked me out of school, my father was at a loss, but already he could do nothing with me. Actually he started to drink and we almost didn’t communicate with each other.
Some days when I couldn’t get drugs it got really terrible. I would wake up in sweat shaking and vomiting. It was really the worst
thing that I ever experienced in my life. I had to get some odd job to have money for drugs, cause I totally depended on substances at that moment. My life became a daily struggle to get the desired drug. The suffering was so strong that when I finally got the drug I associated that with the only thing that could help me to feel good.
I think I could have died then, because my addiction progressed and totally went out of control. One day I lost consciousness on the street and woke up in a clinic. Surely the first thing that I thought was escape and get drugs. But this time that wasn’t that easy. They must have injected me with some chemicals, so I could hardly move. Then I thought that it’s better to die than go through all this humiliation and suffering. I’m sure I would have done that if it weren’t for constant supervision.
Surely they passed me to a public rehab center and there started my long rehabilitation journey. I can hardly describe what I went through, as my mind and body were so used to taking drugs that at first I suffered every waking minute. Besides I was sure that I would never recover and only lose time suffering. Of course with that attitude I only made the things even worse.
Maybe I would have ended up relapsing the following day after signing out of the center if it weren’t for my new friend. We got to know each other at an AA meeting. He had a similar story but for some reason had a positive attitude and hope for rehab. As the beginning of my drug story began with romance, the end started the same. But this time it was a journey for a responsible sober life.
Today I’m completely clean from heroin. That boy became my husband. And I will be grateful to him all my life to show me that there is always a way out from the shame and suffering of addiction. We were a backbone to each other on that way to a new life. We still assist from time to time in AA meetings and share our experience with other people who have the same problem as we did. I can tell that after rehab I was born again. My mindset completely changed, I feel like an adult and a responsible person. Now I’m a happy wife and mother and thank God each day of my life.
I hope my story could be an inspiration for anyone suffering from substance abuse and thinking there is nothing left for him in this life. It’s not so. And it’s worth it to undergo the hard process of rehab and really start to enjoy sober life. There is nothing better than wake up every day sober and feel clarity of mind instead of thinking how to get drugs. There is nothing more precious than our health and life.