How can I explain?

by Spade
(Phoenix, AZ)

How can I explain to an important man in my life thoroughly about my Percocet addiction and everything that comes with it, and what he can do to help me maintaining my sobriety?

I have been battling this addiction for almost four years now and I currently have an amazing man in my life that has NO IDEA about addiction to pain pills, what withdrawal and detoxing is, and what you go through and how you feel when kicking it (physically, mentally, and emotionally)

He wants to understand it to the best of his ability so he knows what he can do to help me any way he can to maintain my sobriety. Any advice and as much information as possible is very appreciated. Thank you so much and God bless you all.

Hi, thanks for writing in with your question.
I went through a very similar situation as well, actually. When I first needed treatment and was first getting sober, my husband had NO idea about addiction, recovery, or any of the issues surrounding these ideas. The truth is, I didn't know a whole lot about addiction or recovery either, so it was a process that we both had to go through and learn more about.

For me, sitting down and talking to him and explaining it to him myself was very helpful. I explained to him how I was feeling, what I was going through, and exactly what he could do to help. If there are things you want from him and you know how he can help you, try to be direct with him. If he doesn't know anything about your situation, the clearer you can be with him, the better.

I don't know if you go to any 12 step meetings or not, but in the beginning of my recovery, I asked my husband to come to a few meetings with me. He wanted to support me and understand what I was going through so he was happy to do this. This way, he got to hear about other people's experiences and I think it helped him realize that we weren't alone in our situation.

He also got to hear stories from other people that sounded a lot worse than what we had been through, so I think that put him at ease a little bit. He heard from people who had been in recovery for years and it
gave him hope that our lives could be somewhat normal at some point in the near future.

Another possibility is having your partner try an al-anon or nar-anon meeting. It may not be educational in the sense that you are looking for but it might give him a place where he can talk to other people who have helped their loves one with addiction. This could give him his own place to try to come to terms with what is going on in your life, because if he is with you, then it's a family problem and it's not just your problem.

I find reading books to be incredibly educational and informative. There are a lot of memoirs about addiction and recovery, and there are also a lot of educational books about addiction and recovery. You might find some that you enjoy reading and share them with your partner.

I honestly think the most important information can come directly from you though. He can read a million things and go to a million meetings and hear from other people, but until he hears what YOU are going through and what you need from him, he won't understand you.

I also have had to accept that because my husband isn't an addict and hasn't been through all of the things that I have been through, he won't fully understand what I am going through and what it's like to be in recovery. That being said, there are a lot of things that he has been through that I can't fully understand either. I think the most important thing is to be tolerant and understanding of each other, even if you can't understand the other person.

Everyone learns differently, so talk to him and ask him what would help him understand you better. I think communication and honesty is really the most important factor here. Also, be patient with him. He may not be able to understand everything you are saying to him right away, but that's okay. It can take time but as long as he is willing to try to understand and support you, then you guys are going in the right direction.

Obviously there's no perfect way to answer this question, but I hope some of these ideas and my own experiences can help you a little bit. Feel free to write back in if you have any other questions or comments!


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