im a bad drunk
I drink thinking I will just have a few, and the next thing I remember, cops are at my house. My wife and kids are crying because I come home yelling and throwing things.
What you are describing is not at all unusual for someone who has a problem with alcohol. When I was still drinking, I would wake up in the morning and not remember a lot of what I did the night before. My husband would be mad at me, I would be upset, and he would tell me all of the horrible things I did the night before.
Have you ever thought about trying to stop drinking? I know it can be hard and really scary, but it sounds like drinking is causing a lot of problems in your life. I am lucky that my husband put up with me and my drinking for as long as he did, but I think it was just a matter of time before things between us got too bad that they would have been beyond repair.
The only way I was able to resolve anything with my husband was to stop drinking and to try to make things right. I had also started drifting away from the rest of my family, and getting sober gave me the ability to try to work things out with them as well.
For me, an inpatient treatment center for drugs and alcohol was incredibly helpful for me. It gave me time away from all of my problems, and allowed me to get sober and just focus on myself for a little while. After that, alcoholics anonymous meetings really helped me stay sober.
I met people who understood what I was going through, and I always had someone I could call if I wanted to drink or if I had a problem. AA meetings gave me somewhere to go whenever I was feeling overwhelmed.
Again, I'm not sure if you have ever considered quitting drinking, but maybe it's worth considering. When I got sober, I really got a chance to live the life that I deserved to life. I didn't have to worry about all the stupid and horrible things I would say and do while I was under the influence.
Every now and then I admit that I do miss drinking or getting high, but those moments are few and far between. I am much happier sober than I ever was when I was drinking and using.
If there is anything we can to do help, let us know. Or if you just want to write in again, feel free!