Is Marijuana Addictive?
by Molly England
Although to me, marijuana is one of the more minor drugs, I still think that people can be addicted to it. Before I got sober, I would be smoking everyday, numerous times a day. I usually had access to weed, but the times that I didn't, I would be frantic to find more and would harass anyone in my phone to find it. I was dependent on it, and hated myself when I was not high. I used it to calm anxiety, but used it more to get out of my head. I always thought it was no big deal because all I did when I was high was eat and giggle. Weed was always my "go to" when life became too unmanageable to deal with sober.
Some background information... my senior year at boarding school, I was turned in for drinking on campus. I was then put on random drug tests, preventing me from smoking weed. I turned to alcohol because I always needed something in me to take me away from my harsh reality. I was soon drinking many times during the week to get the same effect that weed gave me. No matter what, weed will always be my true drug of choice, but I would take anything to stop feeling whatsoever.
44 days ago, I got in a fight with my mom. I had planned on attending an AA meeting with my best friend Rae, but suddenly I didn't care and wanted to be "bad". I lied and told her I was going to the meeting, and called one of my friends and we decided to pay a visit to my old drug dealer. I rationalized this by telling myself that I've known him forever and haven't seen him in so long and wanted to see him! I told myself and my friend that I would not smoke; I just wanted to have a little fun because I was so miserable. I assumed that because I had been around alcohol many times since I got sober and it never bothered me, that I would feel the same way about weed. This was clearly not the case. After sitting in a small room for awhile with a bong being passed around, I finally said "fuck it, I'll just have one hit. It will be fine." After just one hit from the bong, I went absolutely crazy. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I truly felt like I was going to die. I forgot that my disease is progressive. It didnt occur to me that weed would have a greater impact on me after not getting high for so long. I got so paranoid, not remembering where I was and when I had to be home, and I forced my friend to leave with me. The feelings I had while high are indescribable. The entire time I thought I was just sleeping in my bed and dreaming about getting high. My motor skills slowed way down. I knew I had to drive home, so I convinced myself and my friend that I
was fine to drive, knowing that I used to drive high all the time in the past. I was was in unfamiliar territory, so this alone kept me from focusing on driving. I guess I blacked out and when I came to, all I heard was my friend screaming my name to stop the car. I quickly slammed on what I thought was the brake, but was really the gas. We got into a 4-car accident because we were coming up to a stop light. The airbags flew open and I slammed into it- thank god for seat belts! I didn't feel a thing. My friend had to basically drag me out of the car, and I was still so high and still couldn't tell if I was in a dream or reality. I sat on the curb, flailing around trying to wake myself up from this awful "dream". My mom and brother were called and so were the cops. By the grace of god, I was not given a DUI and did not go to jail. Sometimes I think that maybe I should have gone to jail to really learn my lesson. Since I was so unresponsive to everything around me, my friend had to deal with the scary cops. She had to explain to them what happened and why I was stupid enough to get behind the wheel. My car was totaled, but luckily no one was hurt.
Even though it was just one night of getting high, my life crumbled within seconds. I lost my family's respect and trust for me. Weed never gave me any trouble before. I guess it was a blessing in disguise that the accident happened, because now I have absolutely no reservations about smoking again. Even though weed seems minor, it can be very destructive, even fatal. It can ruin people's lives instantly. I now have the ability to help others who are in the position I was for years. Weed is dangerous. It may seem harmless, and some people may never think that weed causes problems, but I'm lucky enough to be alive to share my experience of just how horrible weed can be. Although I will always love weed, getting high is NOT worth it to me anymore. I have started to love myself enough that I don't need any mind-altering substance to change the way I think and feel. I now love myself sober, and am clear-headed enough to see how insane my thinking was about how weed made me a better, happier person. Sure, it may take away the pain for a little, but eventually, I'm back to the person I was before I took that first hit. I need to deal with life sober. Looking back, my life wasn't as difficult or miserable as I thought it was, and weed caused a whole mess of bigger problems.
So yes, I think weed is addictive, and I know that I can't smoke just for today. I love myself, my family, and my life too much now to lose all that just to get high.