Letter sent to my sponsor
I am extremely depressed today. I'm in agony!!
Seriously Laine. My job sucks. How did I end up here? Making $4.50 an hour? It's awful! I can barely support myself.
It's very depressing. And I don't care if it sounds more depressing than being a stripper. That's just how I see it.
I just wanna fall off the face of the earth. Living is just too hard. I don't even know if I'm happy or not. I don't think I am. I feel awful and I don't know where to go from here.
It all seems to meaningless and nothing fills me anymore. I can't run to food like I used to. It stopped working. I can't even shop addictively if I wanted to. I spent my last penny on gas today.
All the girls from NA are having a girls night tonight, and I'm probably going to end up eating like crackers.
It's just so sad. Look at where being a drug addict has taken me. It's just a tiny bit less bad than what it was before.
I can't explain to you how horrible this adjustment to this new life has been, Laine. I struggle with it every day. I feel like I have to force myself not be depressed every single day. I don't even think I'm in love... or am I? I think I'm just codependent.
Who really cares anyway? I'm just another addict on a pity pot. Just a regular, average drug addict. Kill me!!