My name is Cem (Sam). I am living with an alcoholic and living with a drug addict.
I am not much of a sharing kind of person, but my girlfriend Rae and her mom created this website to help out folks who might be having some tough times with drug and alcohol addiction. I respect that, so I have decided to write a few things about living with an alcoholic, hoping to help out also.
I have been in the U.S. for a little over ten years now. Rae and I have been together for a little over two years now, and she will agree that I am not that good at getting my point and feelings across, not that I even try most of the time. I guess I would like to call myself politely a private person. I don't have a lot of friends, or a lot of interests in life in general, aside Rae and a few other things.
I wouldn't say I had a tough life, or that I had anything happen to me that changed my life upside down.. heck I don't even think coming to the U.S. was that big of a deal. Sure I had my share of problems, stupid mistakes and all but nothing out of the ordinary happened to me as far as I am concerned, though my family would probably disagree with all that.
Soon after I met Rae, I realized I loved her. I guess because when I was around her, I was not the jerk that I really was, or in general for that matter even when I wasn't around her. Sure I still don't consider myself as a good person, but she made me want to be good.
At first she seemed to have been living a regular college student lifestyle: a lot of drinking, partying and sports, not to mention her grades were not that bad either. I certainly didn't think I was living with an alcoholic.
It started as me carrying her to bed after a night of drinking too much, and hugging her as she cried all night long about her past. I guess I was really messed up before I met her, because all of this seemed somewhat normal to me. I didn't think she had an alcohol problem or anything wrong with her aside from past problems that she was having a hard time letting go.
Then I learned about her sleeping medicine and how she was mixing her drugs and alcohol to sleep better, and moved on from there. I learned that she was also taking some other drugs, but recently after I found this out, she told me she would stop drinking alcohol. Before I knew it, months of yelling, screaming and things flying at my face were behind me. I realized that most of the time I was with her, I was really with someone besides who I was in love with. I guess I started to realize that I was living with an alcoholic.
Long story short, we tried a few things..she transferred schools, we lived together, we tried to figure out how to stop drinking alcohol. We went out for drinks more often, we went out less often, she only drank wine, she would only buy 2 bottles per night, etc.. but no matter what we tried, the problems were still there and things were still occasionally flying at my face.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying poor me, I went through all that.. but unfortunately I didn't know what I was dealing with then. Living with an alcoholic was not something I had experience in dealing with. I would often try to respond rationally, but that didn't work. I hate to admit it, but I didn't know what she was doing to herself. She and most of the people that know her would say that she hid her drugs and alcohol problem fairly well. I lived with her and I didn't know that I was living with an alcoholic and living with a drug addict. I have to admit it still bugs me now that I haven't figured out exactly what she was going through.
Long story short, after a particularly rough night she decided to stop drinking alcohol. I, being (or wanting to be) a knight in shiny armor, idiotically decided that I knew what was good for us. I didn't want her to go through it alone, so I stopped drinking and told her that I also had an alcohol problem. I don't drink anymore, but I don't consider myself an alcoholic; I just couldn't imagine her going through all of this alone.
After a few months of not drinking, I guess she truly had enough and told me the truth about everything - that she was still using drugs on an everyday basis. It was really hard for me to listen and hear that not only had I been living with an alcoholic, but now there were drug problems too. It was hard for me to hear everything, but I guess I realized it must have been harder for her to go through than for me to hear that she was a drug addict. I remember telling her two things, that I was disappointed, and when she started crying I told her I would be there for her no matter what. And that's when we really began our sobriety.
Obviously it was easier for me, I did not really have a drug and alcohol addiction, but I don't consider myself a good person either. Like anyone, I have my issues and quirks that I have to deal with, heck I play with knives for fun. I often don't understand her feelings and what she is going through, and I don't pretend that I ever will. But I am willing to listen and I realize it is equally hard for her if not harder. I am not sure if that is enough, or I have what it takes, but I intend to be there for her no matter what and that is my bottom line.
Some people that know me might call me ignorant, but I just describe myself as simple instead. I don't know much about having an alcohol problem or being a drug addict, and I'm not the perfect person to be living with an alcoholic. I argue with Rae often and offend her more than I would like to with my opinions. But no matter what, I am the proud boyfriend of an alcoholic and drug addict, but that's RECOVERING alcoholic and addict to you.
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