my solution

by Melissa
(oxford)

I started using drugs and alcohol at the age of sixteen. I thought that was where my story first began. It was only when I was clean and sober I realized it started way before that.



Drugs and alcohol were my solution to my problems. They helped me out of my fear of interacting with people. I suffer from social anxiety and it's really hard for me to share my feelings with others. I grew up with divored parents from the age of five. My mom remarried and her husband was very verbally abusive. He told me I was ugly, stupid, fat and that know one would want me.


His voice later became my own. I found myself in the arms of a man whose family life was simialar to my own. We found comfort from each other and drugs and alcohol. We married after 6 years together. Our relationship was riduled with abuse and drugs and alcohol. Herion became my best friend.


Taking all the pain and fear away until I ran out. I was left with more pain and fear than what I started out with. When I was twenty-five it all came crashing down. I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually bankrupt. I thought it would be better for everyone if I took my life. God was definitely holding me that night.


The paramedics told my family if they found me twenty minutes later I would have died. I woke up strapped to a hospital bed. I was trying to fight them from saving me. They had to pump my stomach. I got violent with the staff which I have no memory of. I am not a violent person. When I woke up I felt different. I was soo tired of my addiction and I surrendered.


I went to rehab from the hospital. I spent six days in the mental ward. I moved in with my mom after rehab and was great.. I was on my pink cloud. I started seeing a therapist which really helped me with some of my low self asteam issues and I felt more confident. I started college and I started an NA group in our area with a few other people.


My husband and I were seperated during that time and I recieved a phone call from him sobbing. His aunt and cousin were murdered. So I went back to comfort him and his family. I started getting high again.. first on the weekends and before you knew it I was back full force. We decided if we moved somewhere new to get a fresh start things would be different.


The abuse got worse. We just switched from shooting herion to coke. Finally I had enough and while he was working I packed my bags and picked up a bus ticket. I was gone. I moved back to my mom's and I met my husband that I have now.


It still took me a couple years to get my act together. He was also an addict but a very gentle man. He got clean and told me we needed to break up so we could work on ourselves. I was so angry at first, with all I've been through and all my knowledge on addiction. I was in denial.


It took me a couple weeks for everything to sink in. I made the right choice. I went to rehab and this time I was going to do whatever I needed to do to stay clean and I did. I've been clean for four years. We are married now with two beautiful daughters.

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Feb 23, 2013
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:)
by: Twila

Excellent story. Kudos to you, an i hope for continued success on your new sober life.

Dec 06, 2011
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Thank you
by: to Melissa

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It reminds me how horrible addiction is and how quickly any one of us can fall back into it. I also like that you mentioned that your addiction probably started before the first time you used drugs or alcohol.


It's important for me to realize that drugs and alcohol were not my problem. Like you said, they were my solution. Without this solution, I needed to find a new one. Just because I am clean doesn't mean that my life is perfect and that I don't have problems anymore.


I still have all of the problems that I had before, but I need to find a new solution for them. For me, that solution is going to meetings and working the steps, and just doing the right thing.


Thank you again for sharing your story! Hearing what other people have been through is always a good reminder for me. I can't forget that I'm an addict and an alcoholic, and I can't forget that I still have problems that I need to find a different solution for.

Take care!

Rae

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