I started using drugs and alcohol at the age of sixteen. I thought that was where my story first began. It was only when I was clean and sober I realized it started way before that.
Drugs and alcohol were my solution to my problems. They helped me out of my fear of interacting with people. I suffer from social anxiety and it's really hard for me to share my feelings with others. I grew up with divored parents from the age of five. My mom remarried and her husband was very verbally abusive. He told me I was ugly, stupid, fat and that know one would want me.
His voice later became my own. I found myself in the arms of a man whose family life was simialar to my own. We found comfort from each other and drugs and alcohol. We married after 6 years together. Our relationship was riduled with abuse and drugs and alcohol. Herion became my best friend.
Taking all the pain and fear away until I ran out. I was left with more pain and fear than what I started out with. When I was twenty-five it all came crashing down. I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually bankrupt. I thought it would be better for everyone if I took my life. God was definitely holding me that night.
The paramedics told my family if they found me twenty minutes later I would have died. I woke up strapped to a hospital bed. I was trying to fight them from saving me. They had to pump my stomach. I got violent with the staff which I have no memory of. I am not a violent person. When I woke up I felt different. I was soo tired of my addiction and I surrendered.
went to rehab from the hospital. I spent six days in the mental ward. I moved in with my mom after rehab and was great.. I was on my pink cloud. I started seeing a therapist which really helped me with some of my low self asteam issues and I felt more confident. I started college and I started an NA group in our area with a few other people.
My husband and I were seperated during that time and I recieved a phone call from him sobbing. His aunt and cousin were murdered. So I went back to comfort him and his family. I started getting high again.. first on the weekends and before you knew it I was back full force. We decided if we moved somewhere new to get a fresh start things would be different.
The abuse got worse. We just switched from shooting herion to coke. Finally I had enough and while he was working I packed my bags and picked up a bus ticket. I was gone. I moved back to my mom's and I met my husband that I have now.
It still took me a couple years to get my act together. He was also an addict but a very gentle man. He got clean and told me we needed to break up so we could work on ourselves. I was so angry at first, with all I've been through and all my knowledge on addiction. I was in denial.
It took me a couple weeks for everything to sink in. I made the right choice. I went to rehab and this time I was going to do whatever I needed to do to stay clean and I did. I've been clean for four years. We are married now with two beautiful daughters.