self destruction

by angel
(rossville ga)

I am an addict. I started taking pills and drinking at 13. I had my first kid at 16 and stopped drinking but kept doing pills. My doctor gave me Valium, Perocet and stadol at the age of 18. I was using a bottle of stadol every 2 days, taking 10-15 Valium each day, and 25 Perocets. I work and have always worked, and I took care of my kids, but my drug addiction has gotten worse.

I am smoking a gram of ice each day plus pills. I get so sick if I don't have something. I use to be able to go without getting fucked up a day or two but I now, I have to have something everyday. It's getting out of hand. I'm 41 now and I'm spending money and going without food and lights and maintenance on my car.

I have lost my license and been in jail. I could have had my licenses back a year ago but I'm spending the money on my habit instead. I am now on ice, roxies, Oxycotin, Perocet, cocaine and drinking. My friends and family don't know. I have had my friends take me to my dealers house, but I lie and tell them I'm looking at a car or furniture.

I even took my daughter with me stating that I had to help my friend get his sick mom in bed. She was sittin in the car while I was in the house smoking meth and snorting roxies. I know I need help but I'm just not ready to quit yet. If I don't have my fix I cannot get out of bed.

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Mar 12, 2016
by: Jay W

Try is all someone can ask you. Try to find the strength to seek treatment. Try to find your way there to treat yourself. Please try to rediscover life. I promise you, it's worth living.

Mar 17, 2014
by: DelbertGann

Hello I am Delbert Gann, and along time ago I was into drugs and alcohol but I have been clean for over 20 years.

And I understand what you are going through, being thoughtful of you or everyone else who is struggling with this I hope and pray that you and them will decide to quit and have the strength to quit.

But please keep in mind I am not judging anyone, I am just a person who cares about people.

Jul 05, 2012
please get help.
by: Anonymous

let me start by saying i have been in your shoes.

i tried meth once. for 9 years. it cost me countless jobs, im still paying off debt because of it, and have norrowly escaped major health issues because of it, i am now sober and a proud father of a 4 year old girl and have my life back. it is the greatest high i have ever experienced. Being a sober parent is far more rewarding than any high i have ever got. i was caught red handed one time using drugs by my fiance, and lost it all. the rights to see my daughter and the only girl i have ever loved who i had been with for 10 years took our daughter and left that moment and said get help or you will never see us again.

THIS IS A TRUE ROCK BOTTOM. the police came that night and took me away because i was a serious suicide risk. i got the help i needed and am so thankful for it.

The part that caught me the most was when you said you hid it from friends and family and they dont know. This is a lie . THEY KNOW. and i hope they will intervene soon. PLEASE SEEK HELP FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR DAUGHTER & YOURSELF BEFORE YOU LOOSE IT ALL. you are at rock bottom and by posting on this site it shows that there is a part of you that is ready to get the help you deserve. you are not alone, and the one piece of advice i can reccommend is to possibly come clean to your family and ask for help, it was the best thing i ever did (even though it wasnt intentional and i got caught).

a doctor told me when i was in treatment at the age of 27 that i would not live to see 40 unless i quit immediately. with your current habit and mixing of substances. YOU ARE AT A SERIOUS RISK FOR DEATH BY HEART FAILURE. especially at the age of 41, you will not live untill 45!!! please for the sake of everyone you love including your daughter seek help. the power of family is amazing and they will help you!!! it will be the best thing you have ever done.


Jan 15, 2012
to Angel
by: Rae

Hi Angel,

Thank you for writing in with your story. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time making the decision to try to get clean. It can be really scary just to imagine going a day or a week or longer than that without using a substance of some kind.

When you have been using drugs and drinking for a long time, it feels like the only way of life - at least that is how it felt for me. I didn't understand that there was another option. I didn't think I had a problem. I knew that I wasn't happy and that I was drinking too much and using drugs too often and using too much of them. But I couldn't imagine that I actually had a problem, and I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I had to quit.

Once things in my life got bad enough and I became miserable enough, I made the decision to quit. I was lucky enough to be able to go into an inpatient treatment facility and participate in outpatient treatment after that. I also attended 12 step meetings. This combination was enough to make me want to stay clean, and once I stayed clean, I actually started to enjoy not using any kind of substance. My life is better today in every aspect than it ever was when I was drinking and using drugs.

You said you aren't ready to quit, and I think it's going to be pretty difficult to get clean if you aren't fully committed to the process. That being said, it sounds like one of the reasons you are scared to quit is because you will get sick if you don't get your fix.

If you are able to go into an inpatient treatment facility, most places do a very good job monitoring you and helping you get off of substances as safely as possible. There are things they can give you that will lessen your withdrawal symptoms. That doesn't mean you would feel great, but I think the anticipation of actually quitting and of feeling sick is worse than the reality.

I don't know if you have insurance that would cover an inpatient treatment facility, but that would be my first recommendation if you decide that you are ready to quit.

It's great that you realize that it's getting out of control, because a lot of people can't even come to the realization. I think a lot of people go through that phase before they decide they are ready to quit - they realize that things are getting bad but they don't want to quit. Then things start to get worse, and often they reevaluate and decide that they want help.

Even if you aren't fully ready to quit and committed to getting clean, I would recommend trying out some 12 step meetings if you've never done that. It might help you to see other people who have gotten clean and who have been through similar experiences as you. If you see that other people can get through it and get/stay clean and be happy, maybe you would be more inclined to get help.

I hope everything works out for you, and if you want to write back, feel free!


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