The Girl that became a Woman only to become a victim of Oxicodone from a local Doctor
Well, at this time I am 60 years old and it is hard to find any reason whatsoever to live except not to abandon my adult son I feel I have failed as a mother to him, now 25 years old because I spent years tending to my now passed away mother instead of raising him to be a responsible adult. I know that I have made so many bad decisions but that must be at the very top of my list. Now, and possibly forever, he will suffer from my failures as a mother and an adult.
So, around 1976 or 1977 I had rotator cuff surgery in my left shoulder. To shorten this story, it never healed and after over 30 doctors, including workman's comp doctors and on and on for around 3 years or more I would guess, I was told about a local Rheumatologist that was so nice and understanding. This was told to me by a very non-drug user type person that I had know for very many years by working with her for about half of the time I worked at this company (a total of 31 1/2 years). So, I made an appointment with him by referral from my primary care physician.
I will never forget the first appointment date which was over a decade ago. This date was December 26, 2001 and after just a few months I was seeing him every month. I had already been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and this was way prior to any drugs developed for this ailment, especially Lyrica. So, fast to faster, I was prescribed Vicodin 5 and then Tylox 5, then Percocet 7.5 and finally Percocet 10/325. This lasted as a guess maybe 3 years more or less. I just cannot remember.
This just was no longer working so when I told him, he did not even hesitate to prescribe to me Oxycodone 15mg.. and as to the amount, I just cannot remember.
Then, within a few months, which could have actually been 2 years because as you know this type of medication does tricks on your memory..
Meantime I should add, that from the beginning or almost from the beginning he prescribed me 10mg Valium at 4 times a day, and 350 or 150 mg of Soma at 4 times a day which until the fall of last year never changed.
Well, perhaps at least 7 years ago this coming September (and the way I remember is that I retired September of 2005 and had already been on the following medication for a while at least..
So, the next medication and what I have been on as I just said is 30mg Oxycodone 30mg every 2 hours. Now, I honestly do not remember the total per month he prescribed but it came to be 270 every 28 days. And, honestly, sometimes, even with that much medication, I would go early to an appointment because I WOULD ACTUALLY RUN CLOSE TO RUNNING OUT.
And, after the fact, I found out that my dearest niece was stealing them from me constantly, as much as she thought she could get by with. Now, to cut this story shorter, since I had what he diagnosed or rather checked again after being sent info from another doctor that I had that condition, he has been prescribing the same amount (270 every 28 days) for at least 7 years.
Now that WAS true. Beginning late last year he gave me a urine and blood test of which I had not a problem passing and then he told me that he would be gradually reducing the oxycodone every month until I was completely off of it.
I remained calm but inside my heart was about to explode. And, easily it was because it was the only medication close to help my pain problem.
Also by then, I had developed terrible pain in my left back and hip, and through MRIs had discovered that I had 3 bulging discs, degenerative disc disease and an old fracture. So, I went to the be neurosurgeon in this area and he examined the readings of the MRIs and he just bluntly but very kindly told me that there was no way now to correct these injuries and that surgery would not help and more than likely make my pain worse!
Now, I am at 200 a month and am going MAD.
Like, on February 1, my cats tripped me while taking a load of dirty clothing down the hall. This happened so quick and without any time to adjust my body and as my luck has been, I landed right on my left shoulder flat on the hardwood floor... and... without 1st hitting the floor with my knees or even my hands.... not even
a dirty washcloth. DEAD STRAIGHT on the wood and I screamed because in my entire life I have never ever broken any bone.
So, I saw an orthopedic doctor or surgeon and he just took x-rays and told me to exercises and not much else. I am scheduled for some kind of shots on June 11th and as far as I know I will keep being reduced on the oxycodone.
So, do I have any hope?
Now, I think not, but should you say I do and be completely honest which I do trust you to be, I will continue this line of treatment which is very very horrible.
I am a victim because of my neglect to find out just what oxycodone was but at that time that was not important, the relief that I got from takng them overcasted any reasoning.
So, I ask you please please tell me what to do! Look, I am 60 and without parents or even relatives to even discuss this with and I am now at my wits end.
Without an answer from you I am afraid that I will actually give up but then I have my son. I love him so so much but no one even has a clue to the pain I must endure every day just to be on this planet.
I am begging for your help because I can tell already from the vast amount of doctors I have seen over the years that not one of them really cares.
Please read this and give me some hope before I literally give up and there will be my son alone in the world with an S.O.B. as his father. And, to clear that up it will actually mean that he will be parentless.
And,the main thing that gets me is that all of my life until this operation, I have been known for my strength and friendliness and knowledge.
Now, unfortunately, I feel that I am now known as the disabled woman.
And, by the way, for over the last 3 years I have been living with my highschool sweetheart lover and we were so happy together until against my will he tried one of my pills. So, not only am I suffering from having my medication reduced, something that I was determined I would do or die, now he has to have 1/2 like every single night and now I am down to 6.5 every day. Unbearable is what my situation is.
I have prided myself for being strong and being able to overcome any wall I meet but this is the wall that I just cannot get over
Help me. I beg and beg and beg so much !
Thank you for writing in. It's very brave of you to write in and talk about your problems and your life in such detail and with such honesty. I am sorry for all of the troubles you are going through, I truly am.
Oxycodone is a very dangerous and addictive drug as you obviously know. It is a drug that is hard to be on long-term because your body gets so used to it and then sometimes we start to depend on it, whether we want to or not.
It sounds like you are very afraid to have your oxycodone reduced - is that because you are afraid of the pain? I think this is something you need to discuss with a doctor. My advice is to try to fin a pain management doctor who has knowledge with addiction, or at the very least, just a primary care physician who has some knowledge about addiction and can point you in the right direction. I think it's a good idea to find someone who is well versed in addiction because they may have some other ideas in helping you reduce your pain, even without the oxycodone.
Some people use non-narcotic pain relievers and find that they work very well. My other recommendation is to try to find a holistic doctor who also might have some other ideas. Not everyone is fond of holistic medicine, but often time they will talk to you about reducing your stress or anxiety, and help you fin ways to relax. Many people believe that certain relaxation techniques and meditation can help people deal with their pain more effectively.
You have more than your son to live for - you have yourself! Don't ever give up hope. I believe that there is always hope ,and I believe that nothing or no one is ever a lost cause. Keep trying and keep looking until you find what works for you and what is healthy for your body.
Please write back if you have other questions.
Best of luck to you.