My addiction to being addicted

by lydia, from San Antonio

I’m a 16 year old addict. My addiction is being addicted. I have one of the most addictive personalities.

When I was 6 years old, my fathers military career moved us to Germany. I was being sexually abused by my 16 year old babysitter, his father, and his best friend. This went on until I was 11 years old when we moved to Kansas. There, when I was 12 I was raped by my friends dad. A year later we moved to Texas where I lost my virginity to my best friend at the time.

Since that day, December 13th, 2010 I have yet to go over 2 weeks without having sex. If I make it to 2 weeks I will do almost anything to have sex. No matter what it is. I know if my parents find out they would kill me.

To deal with the emotional trauma the abuse caused I turned to cutting myself. After that started doing nothing for me anymore I turned to pot, which everybody knows is the gateway drug. After I smoked pot for a while I started moving up to stronger drugs. First it was some weak pain killers, crushing them up to snort them. Then it turned in to stronger pain killers. Soon enough it turned into Cocaine.

I started to shoot Heroin. I would take any drug that would get me a high. LSD, Heroin, Cocaine, Oxycodone, Speed.. Anything. At first it was just to kill the thoughts and emotions inside me. I finally realized I had a problem when I would sleep with my doctor for prescription medication. By that point I was too deep to do anything about it.I didn’t want to quit..

I suffered from depression. My father started taking me to a therapist (we’ll call him Dr. John) to help deal with it. One night I overdosed on Cocaine, sitting in the hospital bed the doctors said I needed to give them a number to contact. Scared of what my parents would do to me I gave them Dr. John’s number. He came down to the hospital wondering what happened. I explain everything to him.

Though I am a minor he wasn’t legally obligated to tell my parents. I overdosed another 11 times. A few of which were on purpose. Dr. John had enough. He told me I needed to get help. I burst out in tears yelling he couldn’t tell my dad.

After one of our regular sessions Dr. John told my dad that there was a therapy group he would like me to attend down at a clinic that he ran. My dad would drop me off and pick me up a few hours later. At the clinic Dr. John would give me small amounts of Morphine to swing off my drugs. After which I went to talk to others facing addiction.

Everybody was surprised with my age. I was the youngest by 11 years. Still they accepted me as one of them. A few weeks went by and my drug addiction was nearly gone. My last dose of morphine was given to me. I wouldn’t have been able to cope if it wasn’t for a man named Daniel.

He helped me through everything. I would call him at 2am screaming in pain, he’d drive to see me and we’d sit in my backyard holding me telling me it’d get better. After about 2 week being drug free Daniel got locked up for traffic tickets.

After Daniel landed himself in Jail I started drinking a lot. My dad didn’t care that I drank. It just gave him a drinking buddy. I don’t think I have a problem with alcohol, although my brother thinks I do. I’m off the drugs and have never felt better. Though I still Struggle with my sex addiction.